not mine.

30May08

I found a bra that wasn’t mine.

We were getting ready to leave and he asked me to help him take the sheets off his bed so he could get them in the wash. I slid my hand in between the bedframe and the mattress to loosen the sheet and pulled out a lacy black bra.

“This isn’t mine” I said, pinching it between my thumb and forefinger and holding it in front of me. He looked up and I threw it at him, quickly turning around so as to avoid his eye contact. He tried to divert the blame to me, lecturing me about going through his stuff, and I quickly refuted. He knew as well as I that he’d fucked up.

I SLEPT IN THAT BED. And I know that he fucked her in those sheets.

We have this weird undefined open relationship. When we’re apart, that’s what I want. When we’re together, and seeing each other 4 times a week, I want to be the only. I’m selfish and stupid and girly, but it’s what I want. But I’ll deal with dating if he insists. I just don’t think I’m wrong to expect him to keep traces of his females out of my sight and far away from my cerebral cortex.

I hate him for making me cry.

I haven’t slept more than 6 hrs a night since early last week. I can’t seem to stay asleep. This city is getting the best of me.



2 Responses to “not mine.”

  1. Fuck someone else to protect your precious cerebral cortex.

    Of course you’re not wrong to expect a certain degree of monogamy when you two are together. But if he wants to screw other chicks then you should, by all means, enjoy the same freedom he is excercising.

    Of course the bra could have been old….or maybe he wears it sometimes? There could be an innocent explanation

  2. He didn’t fuck up if you’ve agreed to remain non-monogamous. Non-classy and unmeaningly inconsiderate, yes, but not in a malicious way (though I wonder how a girl remembers to leave without her bra — nice ones are so expensive!). Focus on the great things you have together and that can’t own him, and nor can he own you.


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