boundaries.

09Apr08

Several scenarios that could really benefit from the opinions of the general public:

1- Sex Between Friends

I find it unbearably difficult to keep myself from blurring the lines between friendship and sex. Unless a man is introduced to me as someone’s boyfriend, I find myself what it would be like to fuck him. (Actually, this happens even if they are coupled up, depending on who’s introducing us.) Every guy that I enter into conversation with, regardless of my level of attraction, becomes a possible playmate and a definite target.

This is not a situation unique to me. Groups of friend and I have had liters worth of alcoholic conversation discussing this predicament. So far, only He has given me any sort of decent feasible solution, but then he’s the only person I know that forms and respects boundaries. He understands the game as no one else I know does. I often run to him to untangle to knotted thought strings of my cerebral cortex, but he’s just one man and he’s not always right. It’d be nice to meet an intelligent guy for coffee or lunch and spend the afternoon in conversation, not wondering at what point he’ll make a comment about my breasts, or if I’m leading him on, or… or… or…

2- Friendship Between Sex Partners

Right now, this is harder for me than anything else. As my relationships change (ie. – as emotions and attachment molest a fulfilling physical relationship), my uncertainty solidifies, yielding absolute confusion and discomfort. I find myself crossing lines that I know I shouldn’t because I feel like it’s what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know how to draw that line and protect myself. I either get wrapped up in progressing the relationship further than it ever should have gone, or I make a cat5 of the situation and end up miserable and lonely. I haven’t decided which is worse — the first is emotionally contrived. The latter leaves me underfucked.

3- Comfort in Sameness

The idea of change really excites me, but implementing it disgusts me. Despite my, perhaps controversial, notions of free love, I’m still enslaved to the Judæo-Christian ideals of monogamy and trust. I’m one of those people who would rather a partner fuck another than know they’ve established an emotional relationship with someone who isn’t me. I’m selfish. I’m possessive. I’m old fashioned. (Okay, maybe not that old fashioned — I don’t know many older couples who’d be down with an open marriage.) I also don’t have enough experience with relationships outside the traditional realm to be open to it. In theory, having many people who can fulfill me emotionally and sexually is entertaining. I just don’t know how to condition myself to put up with it on my partners’ side.

Please leave your thoughts, stories, concerns, etc. I don’t have any neat swag to give away as incentive for participation. But I can guarantee more detailed recounts of my sex life and musings in the posts to come. Throw me a bone — I’m new to this.



One Response to “boundaries.”

  1. 1 marriedkitty

    You remind me of my sister, who was involved in a very bad sexual situation. Her partner was abusive, and for quite some time her views on sex were altered. That’ll happen when someone your Dad’s age has sex with you when you’re 16.

    Anyhow, not inferring anything about your sexual history – but her reactions to sex and love were very much like yours. The line that really struck me as familiar was when you said that you would rather a partner “fuck” someone else than have an emotional relationship. While I understand this feeling, after long talks with my husband, most men “in love” don’t accidentally “fuck” someone else. It’s either a sign of a relationship gone south or a man who has already formed an emotional relationship with someone else. My sister said she didn’t care if her previous partner had sex with someone else. She has said the same of her current husband. But thankfully, her husband knows her well enough to realize that she would. She wouldn’t yell, scream, or leave him – but the undying affection, respect, and trust for him would be gone. She would rebuild those walls that he spent 7 years ripping down. Except this time, those walls would be reinforced steel, with a tank in front.

    So in reading your post, because of my own schema, I can’t help but wonder what’s in your past that has made you devalue sex? And maybe you aren’t trapped by your judeo-christian values so much as your values are trapped by whatever your history is?

    Shot in the dark 🙂 I mean no harm.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: