moral dilemma.

03Apr08

I’ve been thinking a lot about sex in religious cultures. My sex and desire is such an integral part of my everyday life in much the way I assume religion and faith is a part of theirs. What I don’t understand is the way the presence of one nearly completely nullifies the other. This is not to say that devotees don’t express or act on their urges, but I can’t help but think that I will never fit into any category of organized religion purely because of my relationship with sex.

Why are morals tied so closely to sex? Polyamory equals promiscuity, but the assertion lacks merit. I’m repeatedly amazed at ow Muslim culture manages to bend this function. They shroud their females and safeguard their sex, yet so openly encourage polygamy. If only they were to follow through with their ideals and remove the cloak of prudity and shame that drapes their women. Maybe then there’d be hope for me.

In the romantic era, marriage was a public announcement that you and your partner where fucking and were going to continue fucking and wanted everyone to know. But you could still only marry one person at a time and still only sleep with that one person. I’m not sure where this idea of monogamy developed, but it disrupts my core.

I mention this because every now and then I get caught up in these moral coils. Ordinarily, I can separate the foolish religious restraints. I don’t have a problem respecting myself after meaningless sex. I don’t have a problem  sleeping with more than one person in a given time frame. But I can’t shake the fact that these false morals blindly guide my perception of love. When my emotions make their presence known, my rationale goes to shit and I fall back on the ingrained religious interpretations.

I haven’t found a decent coping mechanism for this yet, and the need to do so is rapidly becoming more pressing.  I’m torn between having more anonymous sex and stopping altogether. I tend to vacillate, breaking up my scheduled sack sessions with periods of hermetic solitude. I disappear, don’t answer my phone, spend my time both clarifying and ignoring my thoughts. It’s no the healthiest, but I can’t find a more positive alternative.

Your insights, as always, are welcome.



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