afterglow notes.

30Mar08

I have this urgent need to be abused. A girl can only do so much with her own two hands and a vibrator — especially when she needs the first to use the latter. I want my hands tied above my head and something, anything, violently shoved into my cunt. I find that I can’t ram myself hard enough with a toy to make myself scream. It’s like how you can’t kill yourself by holding your breath; you’ll pass out and start breathing before you get there. That’s how masturbation works for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I can certainly get myself off. But there’s no object or machine in the world that can degrade me like a man can. I need that hypocritical pleasure I get from forcing men to beat me. I don’t know that being bruised or humiliated is enough. I need him to get as much pleasure from abusing me as I get from being on the other end. And I need him to think I’m smoking hot and sexy as hell. For me, being submissive is entirely psychological. None of that bullshit about pain releasing endorphins that use their opioid effects to cause pleasure. It’s all about knowing that I’m hopeless and lack all control, and that the one person who can help me is my captor and is loving every minute as much as I am.

Some of the strongest orgasms I’ve ever had exploded as I pulled my restraints taught and screamed into a pillow, blindfolded and sweaty. I heard my name between the phrases “beautiful whore” and “fucking slut” and the hot tears rolled down my cheeks. Caught in a frenzy of mixed tactile sensations, pheromones and faint emotional pulls, I never wanted to be cut loose again.

This is what floods my mind as I press my thin pink vibrator to my g-spot. My cheeks flush, my clit swells, and my warm cum splashes on my thighs and rolls down, leaving paths that cool as the air strikes them. I peak and I peak, and then I collapse into a ball of flesh and bedsheets. Bedsheets that I now need to rip off and wash again.

Just as soon as I finish lying here in this ball.



2 Responses to “afterglow notes.”

  1. 1 Him

    I miss you.

  2. Oh my, I love the passion of your need!


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